They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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