It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
