yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
