it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The best revenge is premature balding
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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