How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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