Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
