the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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