Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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