Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
