You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
