I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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