The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
