idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
