u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
