She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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