Im at strip club and am horny
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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