I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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