No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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