I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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