I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
