therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
