I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There r osticjed everywhere
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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