It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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