While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
