I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
