she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I need to calm my uterus...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
