If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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