so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
