Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
