sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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