i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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