I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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