If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
