vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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