I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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