If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
