Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
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dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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