a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
