I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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