he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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