The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We are all done wearing pants today
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
