I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
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he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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