so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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