True but thats because hes a fetus.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wish I only lived at night.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
