U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize