One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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