oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
