so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
