my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
