I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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