I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
