People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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