Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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