Kiss
Puke
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
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