Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
