I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
