He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
