I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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