you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
3 2 1 whiskey
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
