I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
