Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
