ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
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I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
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I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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