Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Sorry about my life...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
