My friends, they love my intelligence
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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