I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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